Advanced Dimensional Green Ninja-Educational Preparatory
Super-Elementary Fortress 555
The Grade school in the 'Burbs Outside the City at the Center of the
Anime Multiverse™
The Adults
Click on a bubble to follow it to the next teacher.
-
Principal Mahler, Veteran -- of all the wars -- and owned by
the school district
- Mrs.
Rogers, Kindergarten
- Mr.
Evil, Kindergarten
- A bodiless voice, booming from the unfathomable darkness in the front
corner of the room. Actually, it's just "Evil" (definitely with a
capital 'E'), but everybody insists on calling him "Mr. Evil", and
doesn't seem to grasp the threat he presents.
- Mr.
Sampson, 1st Grade
- Oliver Sampson holds two doctorates, in Literature (thesis: Analyzing
the Metrical Variations of 18th Century Courtly Poetry, with Special
Reference to the Importance of Nautical Influences) and Language (thesis:
The Key Morphological and Dialectic Distinctions Between the McIntire and
Maloney Clans of the Southwestern Alleghanies), and a Masters in
Education (thesis: Toward a New Technique of Conveying History in the
Secondary School Classroom), but hasn't been able to get a job more
suited to his tastes for years now. Instead, he puts his considerable
intellect to the task of reading Dick and Jane books aloud, and teaching
printing (on the soft paper with lines for lowercase and descending
letters), and moaning about his fate.
- Ms.
Sutters, 1st Grade
- Virginia Sutters is a young buxom cat furry, fresh out of college,
and the 6th-grade boys are constantly trying to find excuses to visit her
classroom. While her students are blissfully unaware of her
attractiveness and her propensity to wear just enough clothes, their
mothers don't usually let Dad go to parent-teacher conferences
alone.
- Mr.
Current Occupant, 3rd Grade
- Everybody except Secret knows that Mr. Occupant is an alien --
the big eyes, gray skin, and no nose would probably give it away, even if
it weren't for the obvious toupee and backwards clothes. Secret just thinks
everyone is pulling his leg, because they don't recognize the real
aliens. Nonetheless, he's an excellent teacher (even if he does speak
with a very strange accent) whom no one can find fault with and most of
the students love, so any concerns about his heritage are quickly
dismissed.
- The Sub
With the Metal Hand, 3rd Grade
- He makes Principal Mahler look like a soft touch. Nobody actually
remembers who he's subbing for, any more.
- Miss
Kirie, 4th Grade
- Most-hated teacher in school, and secretly every kid's idol,
crime-fighting rock star Leilani
- Mrs.
X, 4th Grade
- Mr.
Tenus, 5th Grade
- Tab Tenus is a loveable teacher, one of the favorites in the school.
He is over 7 feet tall and comically gangly, and is an avid collector of
the little stickers you find on fresh fruit.
- Count
Sockula, 5th Grade.
- While there is a person crouching behind the desk with a hand
inside of him, it is Count Sockula who was hired by the school district
and draws the salary. All attempts to speak to the man "behind" the sock
have proven futile, as he doesn't seem to have the brains of a turnip, so
the other teachers have just given up trying. Count Sockula is actually a
very good teacher, and a favorite in the teachers' lounge.
-
Pharaoh Bobby Hotep, One of the Lesser-Known Pharaohs, 6th Grade
- A few years ago, he got in trouble with the school board for spending
too much time on ancient Egypt, and not covering the core curriculum.
Nobody can complain about that now, but it is amazing just how
many ways ancient Egypt comes up in the course of that curriculum. His
students are always well-prepared for junior high, and do well on the
standardized tests, so nobody complains any more, and the adults all take
his peculiar title as just another part of his obsession.
- Mr.
Body, 6th Grade
- Mr. Body seems to be perpetually in agonizing death throes, and his
students are always surprised to see him still here at the beginning of
each class. The truth of the matter is that he is a failed mummification
on Pharoah Moebius' part, unable to die, but constantly dying.
- Mr.
Phillips, Shop
- Mr. Phillips is not the sharpest tool on the rack, but he gets by. Sadly, he's
also a bit clumsy, so shop class is often cut short when the teacher
needs to take a trip to the emergency room.
- Mr.
Hulka, Art
- Mr. Hulka spent 12 years as a Marine drill instructor, before
coming to the school. Now he teaches art, and is probably the only art
teacher you'll ever meet who describes kindergarten finger-paintings as
"correct" or "incorrect".
- Rainbow
Moonbeam, but you can just call me Moonie or Rainbow--no need for "Mrs."
Sure, you can call me "Flako", Tom., Gym
- Rainbow is a leftover hippie who's had a little too much Special
Sauce and a lot too much idealism.
- Mr.
Allen, Music.
- Mr. Allen is a little more macho than most music teachers, and tends
to get into trouble trying to apply too much power to music --things like
hooking up an air hammer to the glockenspiel to try to get more
volume.
- Jordan,
Student Teacher
- Jordan is a young woman from the local university, student-teaching
for Pharoah Moebius. She is hyperkinetic, and a certifiable genius in the
science lab, though her social skills could use a little polish (and an
occasional breath between sentences).
- The
Janitor
- Beyond creepy, everybody's certain that he's working on Something in
the basement
- Bus
Drivers
- Things Whose Names Shall Not Be Spoken -- they are the only ones who
can navigate the dimensions reliably.
-
The Crossing Guard, Drunken old master in search of a student
- Truant
Officer Dredd
- Nobody wants to know what happens if you're caught playing hooky